I read some blog posts about the ‘one word’ thing this week (here and here) and realized that the word I dismissed is actually really present in my life this year.
Wait, let me find that post… … … Hmn, I thought I blogged about that, but apparently, I didn’t. Or at least I can’t find it. Oh well, I’ll explain.
I dismissed the word ‘home’ because when 2018 ended and 2019 started, I didn’t feel at home anywhere. We didn’t have a house on Curaçao yet (and as you may remember it was quite a struggle to find one) and the Dutch house was more or less sold and also staged for viewings. It didn’t feel like my home anymore.
So choosing ‘home’ felt wrong. I was already depressed and a bit homesick, no need to focus on that. And since I couldn’t come up with another word, I just skipped the whole one-word thing.
But looking back, this whole year has been about ‘home’, so I might as well embrace it.
So, here are three things I learned so far.
– owning a house that I love definitely helps to feel at home. Since we bought the house, our tiny apartment feels more like home too, the whole island does. When things go wrong I still tend to think ‘I just want to go home!’, but lately that is followed by ‘Oh wait, I am home and I don’t actually want to go back to Holland.’
I guess having a place to root is really important to me.
– having my stuff here also helps. I did blog about that. We brought just a few bits and pieces, but having them around makes this furnished apartment feel like more than just a place to stay.
– the hard part is still being so far away from my family. T. has been away for work more than usual this past week and I realized that this island will never be home without him, even though I love it so, so much and we will live in the house of my dreams in a few months. I felt homesickness rearing its ugly little head even during those few hours alone. There was also some stuff happening with my family and I felt the distance harder than ever.
If something ever happens to T. (I still worry about his health a lot) I will probably move back to Holland. It’s true what they say: home is where the heart is. Right now the biggest part of my heart is here, so that’s good.
Linking up with Carole’s Three on Thursday
NOT A STATION 
I felt much the same when I moved from my Holland (Holland, Michigan!!) to Pittsburgh. There was so much I missed and the days where I wondered if I had made a terrible mistake moving outnumbered they days I did not think that. But, slowly Pittsburgh began to feel like home and while there are still times that I miss Michigan so much – they are infrequent and fleeting. I hope that your feeling of being home increase daily! Thank you for sharing – and for giving me a shout out! XO
LikeLike
I think 'home' is the perfect word for you this year. And I imagine you'll feel more and more like you are home as you continue to make your new house a home.
LikeLike
and now i'm sitting here thinking about “home” and knowing that there have been times over the years when i have struggled to write about “home” and always settle on the idea that “home is wherever i'm with you” – thinking about my kids and my husband. but as life goes on and they are all away more and more – i'm not exactly sure what “home” is to me . . .
LikeLike
I have moved from Pennsylvania to Ohio to Texas to Michigan and then back to Pennsylvania. I've felt homesickness every single time. It took a long time to feel like I was home here. However, missing children is harder than missing parents in my opinion. Do you read mamamercantile http://mamasmercantile.blogspot.com/She left her family with her husband to her dream home!
LikeLike
I hope so too. Thanks for sharing your story. I sometimes feel torn between two lovers. I love Curaçao, but Holland (The Netherlands) is where I grew up and where everybody else is living. T. never liked living there, but it seems I did…
LikeLike
I think that will help, yes. It will make a huge difference once the house is ready to move in. Even though we can't afford to buy a lot of furniture, it will be so good to find a home for my books, my yarn, my things…
LikeLike
Oh, I know how hard it has been – and still is – for you. But maybe right now home is where they all come back to be with you?
LikeLike
Yes, missing children is harder. Though right now my mother is seriously ill and it's really difficult for me not to be able to go see her and help out… (I will fly back when I need to, but let's hope that won't be necessary!)Thanks for that link! I didn't know her blog, but it will be fun to read along with someone who is in the same situation as I am.
LikeLike
i think so – my people are my home. ❤ for sure!
LikeLike