(fireworks in surrounding villages – our tradition is to go outside and watch others set fire to their money 😉 )
I’m always excited to start a new year. I love a clean slate. I have to admit though that the last few years I find that transitioning into a new year is a lot like traveling: you can’t leave yourself behind. I woke up on January 1st feeling all excited about the new year, only to realize that I was very tired (since we traditionally start a new year by going to bed real late). We had a slow morning and in the afternoon we picked up two of the girls to go visit my parents (a one hour drive away from us). My brother was at my parent’s too and we talked for a while. That’s something we usually don’t seem to get to, so that was good. But his life isn’t easy at the moment, and I found that our conversation resonated through my night. One day into the new year and here I was, worrying my sleep time away. Got to work on that, I guess. I tell myself that it would be alright to worry if that would really help someone, but since it doesn’t, it’s a waste of time. My word for 2018 is “relax” and that’s not an easy goal.
Anyway. Knitting. I spent the afternoon of the 31st unpicking and frogging this sweater. It’s funny to look at that picture, since I don’t look that fat on it, but that sweater was way too big on me now. It looked ridiculous, so I never wore it anymore. And since I got that (very expensive) yarn as a birthday present from my husband, I decided to give it a second chance. First I wanted to make a smaller sweater, but it’s a combination of silk and wool with a lovely drape. I’m not sure that drape will work for a fitted sweater (it was a bit of a problem the first time around). So I’m making a shawl now (also eliminating the size problem if I put on weight again or loose even more).
I finished the second green hat on New Year’s eve, but that one will get it’s own post. My knitting plans for 2018:
finish that shawl
make myself a sweater/cardigan that fits
or maybe two (one to wear when working in the garden (my shalom is way too big too – even after shrinking it deliberately), one to wear inside if I’m cold)
hats. It’s not a good example of being relaxed to commit to challenges, so maybe I shouldn’t, but I’m still contemplating a “52 hats” challenge this year. I bought some yarn to start, so maybe I’ll just give it a (relaxed) try.
gifts. I would love to be able to start giving handmade gifts for birthdays and Christmas again. That’s a bit of a challenge too since the first birthday is my father’s, this Saturday.
Hmn… See where this is going? Too much commitment, too much stress… You know what? Scratch all that. This year I’m going to knit what I want and when I feel like it. Relax!
So, do you have a word for the year? Any big knitting plans?
p.s. I deleted my ravelry account last year and regretted that ever since, so I started a new account. You can find me here (username “maggienas”).
Linking up with Nicole at Frontier Dreams’ Crafting on
Okay, this will be a long one (feel free to skip this post), since I just want to get it over with. I worked on answering these questions throughout the week, so I did think them through.
15 GOOD HABITS FORMED – Did you form any new good habits? How did you do it? Hmn, I don’t think I formed good habits this year. Well, maybe my daily cleaning routine. That’s going quite well (though not every single day). Knowing what I should do each day helps me to pick up the pieces when I fall of the band wagon. The same thing goes for the weekly cleaning.
16 BAD HABITS BROKEN – Were you able to kick any of your bad habits this year? How did you do it? I mentioned it before, but it was a big one: eating when I feel emotional. I keep telling myself that I don’t need food to make me feel better. And that I never want to be fat again, because it had some huge implications on my health and my mind. That usually helps.
17 UNFINISHED BUSINESS – What unfinished business do you need to take care of in order to start the new year strong? Is there anything you can tackle before the month is over? Ha! Nope, not going to list all that. There’s so much I planned to do this year, but I never got to it. I just try to relax about it and do what I really need to do, nothing more. I have a bit of a deadline (um, a huge one!) for a lot things on January 10th though (I’ll blog about that later).
18 THEME/WORD FOR 2018 – What is your theme or word of the year for 2018? What does it mean to you? Relax. Last year’s was Rest and I did. Sort of anyway. I think now I need to relax. Not necessarily meaning I want to spent my time doing nothing on a beach or something like that (though that can be fun!), but more like a state of mind. I tend to overthink things. I am a perfectionist and a control freak. I need to relax. If things don’t go as I plan, change plans. Make lists, but be prepared to toss them. Be prepared for what might happen but stop worrying.
19 START DOING – Is there anything you want to START doing in 2018? Relax 😉 I also want to go for walks more often, even when the weather isn’t really inviting.
20 KEEP DOING – What would you like to KEEP doing next year? Blogging! This will be the year I won’t quit. Or at least, that’s my plan. I also want to keep knitting.
21 STOP DOING – Is there anything you want to STOP doing in 2018? Worrying. I don’t think I have to explain. My children, my parents, my siblings, the world. So much to worry about. But since worrying doesn’t help anyone, I’d really like to stop doing it and relax (there’s that word again).
22 OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE – We all have those things that are uncomfortable but could be SO good for us. How are you going to step out of your comfort zone in 2018? Well, inline with being more relaxed, I’d like to be more creative. I have so many things I love to do (knitting, sewing, writing, photography), but I tend to stick to what I know people expect of me. Next year I want to create for the joy of creating and share what I make without worrying about what people may think about it.
23 SETTING INTENTIONS – What intentions do you want to set for the new year? Do you have a plan for how you will carry them out?Be more mindful online – I’m working on creating folders in my bookmarks that will help me to make a distinction between connections (blogs I read and comment on regularly), interesting/inspiring (blogs or articles I want to read intentional) and well, mindless clicking (sometimes that can be fun). Embrace change – I always thought life would become calmer and steadier after the kids grew up, but that was a mistake. Things change faster than I can keep up with and more change is coming. I really want to embrace that, but I’m not sure how besides just going with the flow. Be kind – to myself, and to others. – I find myself being cynical and negative a lot and that has to stop. I try to be mindful about my reactions and work through the reasons behind them.
24 SOMETHING NEW – What is something new you would like to try/learn/create next year? I can’t really think of something really new. I think I have a lot of things going on already (knitting, sewing, writing, photography) and I want to be better (and more creative) at all of them.
25 SELF-CARE – You can’t pour from an empty cup. How will you make time for self-care in 2018? I think being more relaxed about everything will give me time for self-care. Right now I don’t feel I can go for a walk until my house is clean and everything on my to-do list is crossed off. I hope that will change.
26 CONTRIBUTION – We all want to make a meaningful contribution in this world. What are some ways that you can contribute to your friends, family, community, or the world in general? Help when needed, listen when people need to talk, give them my full attention when we’re together. I also want to be mindful about being part of a community. Online and in real life. I’ve been quite the hermit for a few years now.
27 EDUCATION – Education doesn’t stop when you’re done with school. How will you educate and grow yourself mentally in 2018? I found some interesting blogs about photography and I’d love to try some of the techniques they’re showing, especially on editing photo’s, since that’s my weak spot.
28 CAREER – Do you have any major career goals next year? Well, since we’re empty nesters now, my husband is already thinking about (partly) retiring. So my “career goals” are mostly aimed at finding ways to make a bit of passive income. I’m already doing some commercial blogging in Dutch and I want to try and expand on that by translating one those blogs (it’s about cleaning and organzing) to English and see how that goes.
29 2018 WILL FEEL SUCCESSFUL IF… – Imagine it’s December 2018. Complete this sentence and write about what a successful year would look like for you. 2018 will feel succesful if I look back at the inevatable challenges we faced and I can honestly say I handled them in a relaxed way.
30 TOP THREE 2018 GOALS – What are your top three goals for 2018? Start an English commercial blog Write/complete a book I know that’s only two (big) goals, but I think it’s enough 😉 I do have a lot of smaller goals but listing those would make this an even longer blogpost, so let’s not do that.
31 LESSONS LEARNED – What lessons have you learned through this year-end review? I’m not really comfortable with questions like this. I needed to commit to blogging about it to actually answer them. But in the end it was helpful to try to put things into words.
:: we got the tree down from the attic to set it up
:: and decorated it too (never mind that leaning top – it always does that, but it’s straight(er) now)
:: I put out some other decorations (I love that Santa Claus. He’s been with us for over 20 years now)
:: I wrote some Christmas cards. I have to admit I just sign our names under the preprinted text. Each year I tell myself to up my game, but it just never happens. I know it’s strange, being a writer, but I’m really bad at writing best wishes and things like that.
:: we got a snow storm
and that’s really rare around here, especially this early in winter (technically still autumn even)
so our whole little country is a big mess right now (we’re not really prepared for snowfall)
but I had nowhere to go, so I just sat inside near our (fake) fireplace with my knitting.
I cast on for socks. So exciting. Though I don’t know why I find that exciting, I’ve knit several socks before. Still, it feels like “real knitting” every time I knit them. In case you’re wondering about the jumble of needles in this picture, I usually try to avoid the second sock syndrom by knitting two at the same time. I keep switching between them at every sock-knitting-phase (cast on, border, leg, heel, etc.). Works for me.
1. Introductions I’m late to start this, but I scrolled past this challenge again (I visit her site often) and suddenly thought it might be good to force myself to think through the past year and look ahead to the new year I can’t really join though, since I don’t do facebook or instagram anymore (you don’t want to hear my reasons, it would be a long rant), but I can put it here on my blog. I don’t think I’ll post daily when I’m done catching up, that feels like too much of a commitment, but we’ll see what happens. I’ll skip the rest of the introductions, if you don’t know me from the rest of my blog, my about page is right here.
2. 2017 in three words – What 3 words best describe your year so far? tired – helping – fear Hmn. Really? So negative. But it’s true. The first word that came to me when I thought about this prompt is tired. Cause I am. And I have been most of the year. The year started with a real burn-out (I had pains in the chest, panic attacks etc.) and when I finally started to feel better, that second word came about. I helped one of my girls move to an apartment that she will be sharing with her boyfriend, I helped my parents move into a (much) smaller apartment and sort through their belongings to make it all fit, I’m currently helping someone to get grip on her household again, after being sick for quite a while. And I helped lots of other people lots of other times with lots of other things. It’s all done out of free will and with love. But I am tired. Both physically and mentally. And fear… I don’t want to get into details too much, but yes. Constant fear. Finances, health problems of loved ones, world problems. I try to shake it off and sometimes I succeed. But it does impact my life.
3. Favorite memory – What was your favorite memory of 2017 so far? Oh, there have been good times this year, really. My favorite memory must be sitting in an Irish bar on Gran Canaria (we always seem to end up at Irish bars when we’re on vacation) and singing my heart (and lungs) out with the live music. What kind of music, you ask? Rock, mostly hard rock even. I know. But it was just what I needed. (here’s a link to the performer. If you ignore his accent and focus on the guitar, he’s really good. And okay, everything sounds better if you’re on a sunny vacation island.)
4. Biggest accomplishment – What was your biggest accomplishment this year? How did you achieve it? I kept the weight off! I have to explain that, I guess. In 2016 I lost a lot of weight. I was really happy about that. But I’m an emotional eater, I binge when I’m having a hard time and all the other times I lost that much weight (I’m also a yo-yo dieter) it came back on when things went wrong in my life. But this year I didn’t. It has been a really hard year in so many ways, but I kept telling myself I didn’t need food, I needed to work through it. And I did. In fact I lost even more weight along the way.
5. Biggest challenge – What was your biggest challenge or obstacle this year? How did you overcome it? Well, apart from and related to no. 4, I guess my biggest challenge was to work through burn-out, depression and anxiety. I’m still not there, but I think I am doing better now. For me the best way to do this is to analyze what’s going on in my mind. Why am I thinking this? Is this realistic thinking? Where does it come from? What can I do to stop thinking like this? It’s hard work, but it does help.
6. This year I … – There are so many ways to interpret today’s prompt. Complete the sentence with whatever is in your heart about this past year. This year I tried to pick up the pieces of things that have gone bad in past years. I realize that is actually what living is about most of the time, but there were a lot of pieces this year in so many ways. Anyway, it had to be done.
7. Time spent well – What was time well spent this year? Helping my parents. Even though the downsizing was not an easy job to do, we’ve spent so much precious time together. Talking about what really matters in life, curating the mountain of stuff they couldn’t fit into the new apartment into a beautiful selection of their most precious memories.
8. Successes – What felt successful about 2017? Again? I guess I’m not good in these things. It feels like I’m constantly repeating myself. The weight, helping my parents. Really, I don’t think there was more. That sounds so negative, I know. I don’t mean to. It’s just the way it is. I had plans, ideas, things I worked on. I don’t feel they were failures, but none of those were a success. Yet. Maybe next year.
If you decide to follow my lead and blog about it, let me know. I’d love to read your answers to the prompts. I don’t have (don’t want) an Instagram account or the app, but I sometimes view/read from my computer. I can’t see stories or private accounts and I can’t comment, but I can see pictures and read captures and comments, so I can follow along if you decide to join the challenge there (yes, it is kind of hypocrit not to avoid all that is Instagram, I know that. It’s complicated..) Facebook won’t let me view without an account though.
One of the things I keep noticing when depression rears it’s ugly little head is that I stop enjoying doing what I do. On darker days everything feels like just another chore. The only thing that helps (a little bit) is doing it anyway and consciously remind myself that I do enjoy these things. Preparing diner actually made me smile yesterday.
16. easter. didn’t eat chocolat, but we went out for breakfast in Scheveningen. fun.
17. walls done, laying floors. that bathroom is actually getting close to be finished!
18. watering plants inside. outside not needed. it’s raining.
19. not feeling too well. passing time with yarn and photos. trying to allow myself time to heal.
20. i stopped bringing every cute vintage item i find at the thrift shop home, but I love it when I find things I was looking for (tea glasses) or things I can actually use (yarn!)
21. had a really slow start today. but some things just need to be done.
22. we drove a long way to pick up a second hand bath we found on marktplaats (comparable to craig’s list) for 60 euro. it was fun.
23. i find his glasses (he has several – cheap- pairs) all over the house and still he can’t find any when he needs them…
24. “stop messing with that camera and feed me, i’m starving!” catsitting for my daughter and don’t worry, he got enough yesterday, but he eats a lot (too much if we let him) when he gets lonely.
25. the weather today was really unpredictable
26. our custum made blinds (3m long) finally arrived!
27. growing
28. an unexpected visit from one of the girls ended in all three of them having diner with us. love when that happens.
29. he started the next diy-project on his list
30. our weekends are always filled with things like this. i like it.
One of the things I’d like to be better at in photography, is taking pictures of everyday life. In fact, one of my very first blog-reboots was inspired by a series at Soulemama’s. Funny, I still think her pictures are way more beautiful then mine, but looking back eight years (!) is actually making me feel better about my pictures too. They do bring back memories of everyday life and that was what I was aiming for. They make me feel nostalgic too. Those teenagers… And that cat… I do miss that cat (he died of old age two years ago).
This month I’ve tried to take a picture of everyday life each day again and I’m slowly getting back into the groove. I may even try to keep it up next month, because I really want to be more mindful about my everyday life. Anyway, here are the first 15 days.
1. ironing is not my favorite chore, but I try to keep up and do it once a week
2. first bbq this year!
3. dusting.
4. hanging laundry outside. sign of spring!
5. coffee. much needed around here (though i’m down to two cups a day and dh is trying to cut down too)
6. finished the last of the yearly taxes. good times.
7. tea, yes please. can one drink too much tea? (actually, one can. trying to cut down)
8. working in the garden. feels good to be outside again
9. we have a ceiling! and lamps! (in our bathroom that has been under construction for over two years now)
10. vacuuming away a weekend of construction dust
11. sorted through my summer cloths. had to ditch a lot (that’s a good thing, it was all way too wide)
12. grocery shopping is always more fun with the addition of unexpected, good conversations with strangers “i do forget a lot, but I choose to forget the negative. that feels much better.”
13. i actually like doing windows. i don’t like that they get filthy again so quickly.
14. cooking dinner for six (us, the girls + one boyfriend). good times.
15. growing a tiny bit of veggies is all I can do. but it is enough to make me feel connected to the seasons and the earth’s cycles
battling a cold (I think I won – feeling much better today), good tea. lots of knitting
Also there was some of this:
(don’t worry, I am focussing on the good stuff here): more dark wood paneling gone, a view of beautiful old stones (original wall of our 1910-ish house) for now, a clean white wall once we finish this part of our big living room renovation project
And I paused to enjoy a bit of this:
It was a good weekend. Hope you had a great weekend too and wishing you all a wonderful start of your week.
Well, so much for picking up blogging again. I do want to write real blogposts, but it seems I’m just too tired to find words (in a good way, we’ve been doing a lot of work around the house lately). So here’s just a few pictures I took in September. We’ll see how next month goes…
NOT A STATION 