Right now I am…

:: laughing at myself because of today’s picture. This morning I wondered if maybe I’d challenge myself next month and try to take pictures inside for a while. But I thought “nah, not yet, I’m to busy to start new things and I like to go outside to find me something beautiful”.

But today is so dark, cold and rainy that none of the things I tried outside came out right. So here I am, taking pictures inside. Maybe this will be a way to reconnect to my home a bit.

Right now I am…

:: looking at my handwriting (notes for my new book are next to me, but words aren’t flowing yet)

:: wondering why I always slip from ‘nice’ to ‘almost unreadable’ (hmn, maybe because I do and have always done most of my writing on the computer)

:: smelling the wonderful scent of draadjesvlees cooking (actually I think it’s the spices I smell, but it is delicious anyway)

:: glad that I finally remembered that I wanted to make this (I usually remember an hour before dinertime, that’s way too late for draadjesvlees)

Right now I am…

:: smiling at the difference between these four pictures

:: thinking they match the days they were taken on quite nicely (today is the last, Saturday is the first one). Yesterday was indeed blurry.

Right now I am…

:: content that I stood up for myself (that major disappointment? it’s not anymore)

:: excited for new plans that are starting to work out

:: tired because I was a model for my girl again, two days straight in a row and one more tomorrow

:: happy that then she’s almost through catching up the three months she missed because she had an injury on her right hand

:: trying to make myself shut down the computer and leave it down for the weekend

Right now I am…

:: listening to a cat declaring that he want his dinner this minute

:: telling him that he’s two hours early (and he started this an hour ago!)

:: thinking that he maybe confused because today is a dark, dark day

:: trying not to remember that he could also be hungry because two hours ago he emptied his stomach on the couch, the table and the floor..

:: feeling the darkness of this day inside my head

:: trying to find some sunshine in doing the things I love (taking pictures in the rain… something like that)

Right now I am…

:: thinking that indeed my word for 2012 should be ‘confidence’

:: knowing that’s what I lack the most these days

:: working on it, really

:: kicking myself to get back to work, finish that novel* and start those new projects (I’m battling doubt crows)

:: reminding myself of this song . I loved it and a few years ago that was how I felt. I will feel like that again.

 *Edited to add: finished! Printed to let my proofreaders (the girls) have a final check and then off to my publisher it goes!

Right now I am…

:: tired because I did a lot of (house) work today

:: frustrated because that didn’t leave me any time to write (I have a novel to finish and some new work to prepare)

:: worried that I will always have to choose between the two

:: thinking that it might be a good idea to go back to a routine with complete days cut out for writing or housework

:: smiling because I know routines just don’t work in this house

:: working on fully accepting that

Right now I am

:: so happy that we have a bit of sunshine to enjoy today

:: feeling my energy returning

:: happy that I finally got around to some much needed cleaning

:: wishing you all a wonderful weekend!

Right now I am…

:: smiling because this morning I first was a Japanese Blossom Fairy and then I broke my nose (not really)

:: thinking I need to explain now that I was a model for my girl who is training to be an allround make-up artist (in that beautiful “Amsterdamse school” building)

:: so proud of what she has accomplished so far (working here and doing internships here and here)

Right now I am…

:: grateful for this beautiful sunrise that started my day

:: trying to get my act together and cross some things off my todo list