The beauty of where I am right now

Last week we put in an offer on a house in The Netherlands. I know… I didn’t see that coming either. T. found this cute little ruin in the far North East of the country and when he hesitantly showed it to me (I’ve declared many times that I’m done buying fixer uppers) I instantly fell in love with it.

Sadly, they were already talking with other buyers, who lost their chain condition (thanks to our offer – sorry, guys!), but still want to buy it. So I have to let go of the dreams I already spun around it.

I try so hard to see Curaçao as my home. I am very careful not to call the Netherlands home or even my home country, because I am living here, by my own choice. And I used to love it. And yes, the island will always have a special place in my heart. I will never regret the years we spent here.

But something changed. I feel lost. I feel uprooted. And I want to move back. Back home to the Netherlands.

There. I said it. Not that it will change anything.

Moving back isn’t even a real option, unless we find another cute little ruin in the middle of nowhere within our very low budget. House prices in The Netherlands are insane (as they are in many parts of the world, but not on Curaçao). Average prices went from 287.000 in 2018 to 483.000 in 2024. We had some “what if” scenarios calculated and taken care of before we left, but we never expected prices to grow exponentially. We don’t have the money to buy a normal priced house there.

T. really doesn’t want to move back either, and it would be very bad for his health to live there permanently again. He just wanted to use that house the way we use the cabin (for visits), and to have the option to move back if it turns out it’s necessary (in case the “what ifs” happen). In his vision we would still live on Curaçao as much as possible, even if we made the official move back.

But me? I started thinking things like “I’m going home!” Not good. Not good at all.

So I have another resolution for this year. I’m going to make an active effort to figure this out and reconnect to this island, my home and the land.

The best way to do that? I don’t know. But I do know gardening always makes me feel better. So since today is a cold day (it’s only 25 degrees Celsius – 75 F), I decided to get some work done in the garden. My body needs to start moving again (after being sick for a while) and the garden needs some (ahem) attention.

Although moving my body and doing a bit of work in the garden did help lift my mood a bit (no afters yet, it’s still a mess, but I’m exhausted now), I think I also need to focus on the beauty. Because one of my problems (I realized this while working) is that lately the garden has been just another big task that will never get completed. It should be something that makes me happy. So here are some close ups of flowers. Because there is so much beauty where I am right now.