Yep, I did it. I split the blog. I really tried to stick with it, but that bilingual thing was not working for me at all. I seem to have a split personality, blogging in English is definitely different for me than blogging in Dutch. I felt limited in my choice of subjects to post about (since my Dutch blog is associated with me being a writer) and the layout, having to put pictures between the two languages instead of where ever I wanted them, didn’t work for me either. Anyway, I finally picked up the pieces, found myself a new blog name and went for it. Don’t worry, nothing got lost, I copied the bilingual posts and the comments and cut off the Dutch part. I’m also trying to recover some of my older posts on deleted English blogs, but that will take some time. For now I’m just glad to be here.

Lately I have been thinking about progress and result a lot. I seem to be stuck in deadlines and goals.

Of course deadlines come with the territory when you’re a published author, but where’s the fun when the only thing you can think about is when the story needs to be finished? I used to be eager to reconnect with my characters when I started up my laptop in the morning, but now the only thing I can think about now is finishing it on time. Not a good thing and seriously causing writer’s block.
And when I finally finish one book, there’s always another waiting to be written finished.
 

I’m currently knitting through my stash, promising myself a bit of yarn shopping when the last scraps are gone. Should be fun. But I find myself trying to get it done before a set date. That date keeps changing, since I just don’t have that much time to knit anymore. Or maybe I don’t make that much time anymore, since having a deadline takes all the fun out of it. Wasn’t knitting supposed to be fun? And what will happen when I buy new yarn? Will it be all about finishing the new stash too? I guess it will.

I set dates for lots of things. Cleaning the house, get the garden back into shape, paint, reorganize. It’s all about the result, so the process is wearing me out. Often the result – if when I finally reach my goals – is less than satisfying and when it is, it’s not for very long. You know, because a house that’s lived in doesn’t stay clean and weeds keep growing. The list of things to be done or redone is endless and it’s always in the back of my mind.

I don’t want to spent my life trying to catch up with my ever changing goals.
So, I’m going to stop deadlining myself (I know that’s not a verb, but I like the sound of it) and I’m trying to get serious about enjoying the ride. Hence the name of this blog.

p.s. one of the things that inspired me to think this through is this post 

So here I’m staring at my screen, feeling sick (I have the flu, and really got it this time, as opposed to my usual ‘not feeling well for a few weeks’) and trying to find the words to tell people about my new book. I did manage the dutch part of this post, but now for the rest of you…

I have said it before, these posts make this bilingual blogging thing kind of hard. Because, how interesting is it to have to go through a whole post about a book you will not be able to read? A post that ends with giving away one of said books, so my non-dutch readers will have nothing to participate in? I know… Well, I can promise that there will be another giveaway soon(ish). One that doesn’t involve language. So stay tuned for that. (oh my, this was actually just a brainwave, and now suddenly it’s a promise? Oh well…)

Trilogy

I already told you that this book is the last part of a trilogy. Each book tells the story of a different person and they are perfectly readable on their own, but they also connect in a nice way. The first book is about Sofie, a famous model that decides to go undercover after she had some bad encounters with the tabloids. When writing that first book I already knew I wanted to give her younger sister, her own book. So the next one is about Renske, who – four years later – has to make a lot of hard decisions on relations, her career and caring for her little girl. I always toyed with the idea of making it into a trilogy, but when I found out that almost all my readers didn’t understand one of the male characters in that second book, I decided to give him a chance to redeem himself. But since I use a single point of view and my books are written for women, I had to introduce a female character too. So I made up an au pair that would work for Sofie and Renske and get to know Diederik there (because he’s the birthfather of Renske’s daughter). Bonus for me: I got another peek into the lives of Sofie and Renske while writing this story (Sofie just had twin boys and yes, I sometimes feel like my characters are real).

Real stories?

It is kind of hard for me to tell people about the background of this sixth book of mine. Readers so often assume that the stories I tell are based on things that really happened. But they’re not. Inspired by real life, yes. But also completely made up.
So, although this book is partly about the problems of being a genius (the male main character) and being dyslectic (the female main character) and I do know how hard this can be from people that are very close to me, those stories are not mine to tell. The stories of Diederik and Nina are not those stories, just inspired by them.

Geniality and dyslexia

That said, it was an emotional story for me to write, since so many of the problems those two run into, were things I had (more or less – not exactly) witnessed in my own surroundings, or could imagine happening to people I love. And then I had to make sure that those conflicts were not only things I could relate to, but they needed to be recognizable for other people to. I did a lot of research* and I found out my thoughts about things were quite right. I do hope my book will help a little bit in understanding both geniuses and dyslectici.

*Most of my research was through the internet, but I have decided not to share any url’s since so many of the websites I found sell ‘solutions’ and I don’t have the time to really dig in and determine if those are real or not and if I want to connect my name to any of them.

Maybe someday

Anyway, before you think this book is very different from my normal writing; it isn’t. It’s still a nice and simple easy-reading love story, with some family troubles and a tiny bit of suspense added in the mix like all my books.  In Dutch only. So sorry for that. I really, really tried to write in English, but if I keep it real I have to admit I can hardly manage blogposts (I sometimes cringe when I read them back). But who knows… maybe someday my books will be translated…

My sixth book, the last of a trilogy. Oh my, sometimes I can’t believe this is really happening…

And another week has passed without blogging… My excuse? Too busy. But that’s not really a good excuse, since I’m always too busy. But this week I was going back and forth between cleaning my bedroom and feeling sick. Hayfever, I think. And dustallergies, probably. But that last problem is solved now. The bedroom is done.

I love reading blogs about organizing and DIY and I’m always admiring those honest befores and stunning afters. I wish I could do the same, but the truth is that our bedroom is still a ‘before’. The list of things to do is endless. We still have to finish the walls (where the wall we broke down used to be) and the floor (we have two different floors now) and I want to paint (trims, those purple walls and maybe all of it). Oh and lots and lots more comes to mind, but I don’t want to think about it. We have still so many other projects to finish and so little time to do so.

For now I’m just going to enjoy our clean and decluttered bedroom. And if you take a picture from the right angle it really does look nice.

p.s. those baskets are empty and will probably go
p.p.s. yes, we upholstered that beam. It’s just a little too low for us and it already got me a severe concussion, so we’re trying to prevent that from happening again.

All the rain we’ve been getting lately does have one advantage. Or maybe even two. First of all my garden really, really needed some rain. And second: now I don’t have to feel guilty about not having time to do some work in the garden.
Besides… these plants don’t really need me to look beautiful. Even when it’s raining.

I was going to start writing this post first thing in the morning. I wasn’t sure what to write about, but figured it would come to me when I started. A bit of catching up, something simple.

But I didn’t make it to the computer all morning. I was going to do a little bit of cleaning in the living room before I started and then it took me all morning.

During those chaotic weeks , there just wasn’t enough time to do more than just a quick bit of vacuuming (that’s what I planned to do this morning too). It’s likely that there are some dust bunnies building up when you ‘clean’ like that. And there’s the decluttering I’m doing.

I don’t like that word very much. Because it’s not really clutter that I’m dealing with. The clutter is long gone in our home. These are all things that are somehow important to me. But it’s a fact that there are too many of those things.

It’s very unnerving to help with somebody else’s move to a new (smaller) home. Or at least it is when you’re like me, always thinking beyond the surface. Because, after wondering about the amount of ‘stuff’ somebody else is holding on to and thinking how they could easily part with a lot of it, I realized that in the crooks and crannies of my home there is a lot of  ‘stuff’ that other people might think I could easily part with too.

And so, I have started to sort through all my closets and I actually am parting with a lot of it.

That’s great (because it feels good to let go of stuff), exhausting (because I’m constantly making hard decisions) and very dusty (since I didn’t clean very well lately).

Oh well, we’re almost there. Right now I even have two empty shelves in my living room closet. That sounds better than it is, because I also have two cupboards that I want out of the house and what’s in there will never fit on those two shelves. But it’s a start. And upstairs it begins to feel like a bedroom, instead of having to sleep in a combined office/walk-in closet. I am doing well decluttering.

If only it was that easy to declutter my mind. My mind is very full. Besides all the sorting and cleaning, there are taxes to be done, a daughter needing help one her studying (we’re sort of homeschooling at the moment) and two stories I write when I have a little time to spare. Or at least I’m thinking about those stories while doing other things. Two at once. Not really efficient. Those stories are getting tangled in my mind. But that’s okay. Both the main characters are very good at organizing.

I’m not sure if those characters inspired my decluttering or the other way around. I guess that’s just the way I write. Both inspired by and inspiring for my own life.

Some of the better moments of those past weeks were spent on the island of Curacao. We were there partly for work (I wrote about half a book while Theo visited clients), but also for fun. And there is lots of fun to be found on that island, I tell you).

More photos here

Curious how Curacao is on the other side of the world but still sort of in our own country? I found this wonderful and funny video explaining it all (and also the difference between Hollanders and Dutch – I’m both)

I was planning to make my first blogpost after the break a nice roundup in numbers. Like this: number of family member moves (not me, but my help was needed): 2; square metres of laminateflooring laid: 33; boxes unpacked: 50 (or more); etc. But the most part of that month can not be summed up like that (how do you count emotions?) and a lot of it is not what I want out on the internet anyway. A friend called the last months a rollercoaster and I think that’s quite accurate.

I’m wondering if looking back is what I need right now. There were sad moments, there were happy moments (maybe I’ll share a few photos of those later) and it’s over. I’d better look at the future. Although… living in the past isn’t right, but constantly living in the future isn’t healthy either. One forgets to enjoy the present (I love how in English that word also means ‘gift’) that way.

I think my first post after this break should be like this:

Hi, I’m back. The sun is shining and the bulbs are flowering. Isn’t that great?

That last phase of a manuscript is a tough one. Almost time to let go of it…

It’s time to announce an official blogbreak. I know, I already am on a break unofficially, since I’m hardly ever posting or commenting anymore. But in my mind I’m still thinking about it, even though I don’t have the time (or energy) to actually do something.
I already know that March is going to be an even fuller month than February was. Not all bad things, luckily, but there’s enough already scheduled to keep me very, very busy. And of course there will be a lot of unscheduled stuff too. There always is.
I thought about doing another 30 days project, like I did last Fall, but it felt too much like mindless ‘blog-filling’ to me. I don’t like that.
So that’s why I’m taking a break. I will be back in April.