For today I had planned to post a whole bunch of cozy pictures, capturing and documenting the perfect little happy moments of our Christmas days. Sounded like a great plan a few weeks ago. But things worked out a bit differently. I didn’t even touch my camera the past few days and I don’t think there were many occasions to take those pictures I imagined anyway.
We did have a good time though.
I’ve literally been staring at that last sentence for hours, but I don’t know what more to say.
Details? That’s just not how I roll with blogging and family matters. When I start writing diary-style posts, it’s all or nothing for me; I can’t tell my story if I have to skip half the details. But a lot of the details are not mine to share. So it has to be nothing. (I actually wrote a post like that and deleted it)
Wise words? I can’t think of any. I’ve already shared the advice I try to live by in times like these: no (or at least lower) expectations, toss the lists, keep it simple, remember it’s just a date. But I still had sleepless nights and a panic attack on Christmas Eve. So there’s that. Do as I say, not as I do.
We did have a good time though.
Really, we did. We had a messy, imperfect Christmas with ups and downs, laughter and tears, and hits and misses. We tried and failed on a lot of things. But we tried. And maybe that’s all that matters.
:: listening to the “top 4000” on our favorite radio station. This is a yearly compromise in our house. I’d love to be full on Christmas music right now, but I don’t think T. would be able to tolerate that. Also, I love hearing all those great songs (most people voting have more or less the same taste as we do) and we will have Christmas music when it’s actually Christmas.
:: not sure what to think of the weather these days. When we arrived in The Netherlands last week, it was extremely cold for the time of year. We do have periods of -10 degrees C (14 F), but usually not until the end of january. Christmas is often warmer then Easter (really, not joking), so the whole country was actually getting excited about skating and real winter stuff. Well, it’s raining now and it will be +10 C (50F) tomorrow and the rest of the year. Oh well… For us it’s still cold anyway.
:: looking forward to seeing R. (not disclosing his full name, sorry) again tomorrow. He’s so beautiful and cute and I’m so grateful that we were able to visit him when he was only one day old and will be able to see him a few more times during these first weeks of his life.
:: still struggling with jetlag, or maybe just with my “normal” fatigue and insomnia (I got sick the month before we left and never fully healed). It’s frustrating, but I’m trying to fully enjoy the short time we have with our family. If that means I have to live on chamomile (at night) and coffee (during the day), it’s okay for now. I’ll deal with the aftermath when we’re back home.
:: promising myself to fully focus on my health when we’re back home.
:: hearing the rain on the roof
:: feeling grateful to have that roof over our heads. It’s not home, but it is ours and that takes away a lot of stress. When we were renting, I was always a bit OCD about other people’s germs, but also very scared to damage something. Also, it’s so great to just know where everything is, both in the cabin and in the village.
:: thinking about Christmas Eve. We’ll probably go to the new parents’ home, but I promised I’ll prepare and cook diner, and we’ll all chip in to get things cleaned up afterwards. I’m not going to make it complicated, just simple food we all love. Thinking about doing veggies and potatoes in the oven, but I need to ask if they have sheet pans. Or just buy them. Add some nice meat (the new mother is very excited to be able to eat red meat again) and find ourselves a gluten/dairy/soy/nut free dessert (ha! that’s impossible, but luckily I’m the only one that has all those allergies, not to mention overreacting to sugar – I usually skip dessert). No matter what, it will be great to have Christmas dinner together again for the first time since 2019 (I hope I didn’t jinx it by writing this) and that’s what’s most important.
:: wondering if I’m finally learning not to stress about things like that, or if I’m just too tired to worry.
When we moved to the island I got rid of most of our Christmas things (well, I handed the boxes to the girls and asked them to get rid of what they didn’t want). We planned to be in The Netherlands for both Sinterklaas and Christmas, so it wouldn’t make sense to ship it to Curaçao, where we would never use it. It also didn’t make sense to keep it in storage in Holland when we would be staying in Airbnb’s or hotel rooms. Of course, I was sad to let it all go, but knowing I would be there for the holidays was enough.
But life got in the way. Or maybe it would be more accurate to state that money got in the way. The lack thereof to be precise. We just can’t afford to rent a place to stay for a month or longer. Also, T. didn’t want to be in the cold for so long and I know his health would suffer too much. So I actually did find myself on the island well into the season, skipping Sinterklaas and not feeling festive at all.
Since we would still be away for Christmas and leave two weeks before I wasn’t sure about decorating for Christmas in our Curaçao house. But it also didn’t feel right not to. After all, this is our home now.
So I decided to compromise: I bought a tiny, tiny tree and some decoration (the baubles with holes in them are actually battery-operated lights) and brought out the very few Christmas things we brought with us.
This Santa has been with our family for 24 years now, I couldn’t part with him…
I also – of course – brought our Christmas books (and I bought a few extra here), that tin (also around for 24 years) and my favorite Christmas album. That album has special meaning to me because my parents always played it (still do actually) on Christmas Eve. It was the very first Christmas album they bought after they got married, over 50 years ago. Mine is thrifted, theirs actually got lost when they moved to a smaller home, but I found another one for them in a thrift store. It’s about the memories, not about the object itself.
I brought our first Christmas tablecloth with me to Curaçao too. We used to have a lot of them, but this was the very first one, so it had to come with me. We’ve actually been using it since December 1st.
And then there’s this little Christmas towel. Thrifted here, on the island.
Writing this post and going through the pictures I realized that even though it’s very minimal, it’s also actually a nice mix of displaying cherished memories and the making of new ones. Which is good. These past few weeks have not been easy on me, but it’s only the first December since we moved here. I’m sure we will find a way to make it all work and enjoy the season as much as we used to do.
Remember that Christmas yarn? (I made T. a hat with it). I used up the last of it (not enough to make a matching hat for me), to make a little circle. I was going to crochet, but I decided to try knitting a circle for the first time. The middle part (where you start knitting) was a bit fiddly, but the rest was actually rather easy. That’s really all there is to say about it. But I do like how it looks under our tiny tree. I used the very last bit of it to crochet a little garland, but I’ll show that tomorrow when I’m posting our Christmas decorations (ha! don’t get too excited).
It was nothing special. Just a simple combination of family meals and a peaceful, quiet home. My favorite way of celebrating Christmas. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas too.
Years ago I used to be one the first among the people I knew to set up the tree. I started on December 6th, right after Sinterklaas and I got lots of comments about that being so soon. Right now, I’m the one who’s late. It has become quite normal to have the tree up on the 6th or even sooner. But after moving to a house with a smaller living room and getting a bigger tree (no, not logical, but I love how it looks) I got into the habit of waiting until after my youngest daughters birthday. In a few years (or even sooner) she will move out and celebrate her birthday at her own place, but I think I will keep’doing it this way. I like the way this works out. It’s good to have some space to breath and time to shift gears between holidays.
NOT A STATION 