Category: life lately

Empty nest

~ Maggie ~ 4 Comments

I keep thinking I want to blog and I keep pushing it aside. I’m not sure why.  There are a lot of things I’d like to talk about, but I don’t know where to start.
Yeah, I know. Let’s start at the beginning. But I have no clue where that beginning would be. 
So I’m just going to jump in and share some thoughts. Maybe that’ll help.
There’s a lot happening right now and also there’s not much happening at all.
We’re still looking at houses, but they’re either not what we’re looking for or already taken or there’s something else wrong with it.
I’d like to be all cool about that. After all, we still have a roof over our head if we don’t find a house. We’re still renting that little apartment and can keep doing that for as long as we need to.
The apartment is exactly what we need. It has a bed, a kitchen, and a bathroom. If it was ours, I’d change about everything, but it’s functional. We spent most of our time outside anyway. But lately, I find myself feeling… ungrounded? lost? I don’t know how to put it.
Not myself. That may be it.
Last week T. traveled to Bonaire for a day and I was home alone. I didn’t feel so well, so after I did some shopping and finished my daily cleaning routine, I decided to give myself a day off. I spent the rest of that day on my bed, watching youtube channels like this one, this one and this one. Yes. I know. Not good.
Why would I waste time watching clean-with-me video’s and vlogs from cute thirty-year-old girls with cute young children (or pregnant with another cute one)? I’m almost 48 and my children are all grown-up. I’m in a completely different stage of life.
It took me a few days of being annoyed with myself to realize that I’m having some empty nest issues here.
Our youngest girl moved out over two years ago and I thought I was coping with that just fine. But she was working with T. at that time, so she was over at our house every weekday. And the other girls visited often. Now they’re 5000 miles away and we’ll see them only a few times a year. We do talk on the phone a lot, but it’s still different from having a noisy house full of people. So my empty nest syndrome only just really kicked in (having D. over for a week was fun, but also made us realize what we were missing).
And then this empty nest… is not a nest at all. It’s just a place to stay while we’re hoping to find a real home. And that’s driving me crazy too, because if you take away the glitter and glamour (ahem) of being a published author, blogger, editor, bookkeeper etc. I’m just the simple housewife I’ve always been. I’m not happy to admit it (because I’d like to be more adventurous than this and I’m on a tropical island so why can’t I just be extremely happy about that, for goodness sake) but I miss having a house to take care of. I know it sounds boring and old-fashioned, but I like cleaning, decorating, organizing, decluttering and cooking. That’s who I am. And I miss being me. So sue me.
This blog post isn’t leading to anything and doesn’t really solve my problems, but it feels good to get it off my chest. We’ve scheduled another house viewing for Wednesday morning. Maybe that’ll be the one.
Now if you’ll excuse me. I think I’m going to buy some containers to reorganize our tiny cupboard.
(picture is a random cute house, not for sale)

Not a beach or palm trees

~ Maggie ~ 10 Comments

I’m trying to break up the beach and palm tree pictures by coming up with three other subjects.
It wasn’t easy 😉

(unrelated picture)

1. I challenged myself to hide the scales and not to weigh myself for a whole month. We’re half way the month and it’s killing me. Yes, I have some (ahem) issues about my weight.
My plan is  keep eating sensible like I’ve done for almost two years now and accept whatever weight comes of that, but I had some stressful moments these past two months and ate too much comfort food. Normally I’d be all over the scales to find out how much damage that did. And then I would need more comfort food to still my nerves about gaining weight and being afraid not getting it off again.
That’s not helping, so instead I’m trying to get back to eating like I did and staying away from those scales. Only two more weeks to go.

2. When things get stressful I tend to look into buying a new planner, but the truth is, I don’t need one. My current system (a mix between bullet journaling and the Moleskine week with notes layout) is serving me very well. I just have to figure out a way to write down everything that’s on my mind in a way that convinces me I will manage to work through it all.

3. When D. was here, we went shopping and we both bought a new handbag. I love mine, but I have a hard time finding my stuff in it (because it’s narrow and deep), so I’m sometimes considering going back to my old one. Or maybe I should try carrying less stuff?

Linking up with Carole Knits’ Three on Thursday

Through her eyes

~ Maggie ~ 1 Comment

We’ve been very busy. Work, buying a car, looking for a house. But also… having fun with our oldest girl visiting.
It all started as a joke. She posted a picture of the snow in our family group app, T. answered with a picture of the beach. Then she posted: ‘Can I come to stay with you?’ And T. answered: ‘Of course, if you bring an air mattress.’ (we’re still living in a studio apartment and have only one bed).
All in good fun.
But a day later I got a private message, quoting her father. ‘Can I take this seriously? I’d love to come and I can take some days off right now.’ (she works as a freelance make-up artist)
Well, why not? It turned out she didn’t even need to bring a mattress, as our landlord had a third bed the fits perfectly in our ‘living room’. It’s a bit crowded, but we can manage for a week.
The joke started on Wednesday, the private message was on Thursday, she booked on Friday and arrived Monday evening.

So this week we’ve been driving around the island even more than we usually do, showing her all our favorite places, the houses we didn’t buy, the beach and everything else. It’s so much fun to see things through her eyes. I’m still enjoying every palm tree, every sunset and every time we visit the north coast, but for us it’s familiar. For her, it’s all new and exciting.
We’ve still got a few more days ahead of us. She flies home Wednesday evening. I’m constantly trying to fit things in with work deadlines and other stuff that can’t wait. But I so happy she’s here! It makes us feel like we’re really living here now.

Right now

~ Maggie ~ 4 Comments

Right now I am…

…feeling more positive than I have in a long time. I was on the slippery slope to depression.
…happy to be back on Curaçao
…smiling at the plant we bought immediately after arriving. I needed something to make me feel at home.
…trying to prevent getting homesick this time. I was in November. Not good.
…getting more confident about our Dutch home really being sold. We have a buyer and will close on it by the end of March. We will travel back to empty the house before that (and to celebrate my parents ’50th anniversary).
…reading a lot. Currently reading: The Monogram Murders by Sophie Hannah. Read it before and didn’t like it back then, but it’s growing on me. Still think this Poirot is not the same as Agatha Christie’s Poirot.
…knitting… something. A cotton rectangle. Not entirely sure what it will be. I hope to have enough of this cotton yarn to make (small) bathroom rug, but if I don’t, I think I’ll use it as a drying mat for dishes.
…working hard to get everything that’s on my plate done in time.
…enjoying sunsets at the beach. I never, never get tired of those.
….looking forward to swimming tomorrow. We arrived Thursday, didn’t get to it Friday and on Saturday T. cut his thumb, so we had to wait a few days for it to heal.
…learning to work with my new camera. I traded my DSLR (that I hardly ever used because it was to heavy to lug around) for a high level compact, but I feel clumsy operating it.
…trying to get back into the habit of blogging. Right now posts are always a good start for me to make that happen.

52 hats :: 41 – 47 ~ I give up

~ Maggie ~ 1 Comment

I know, I know. I’m so close… But 5 hats in 4 days… Well, it is possible, if I could spend all my time knitting. And that’s the problem. There’s so much else I need to do.
So I decided to officially declare this challenge failed. It was fun, but I don’t think I’ll ever do something like this again. If there’s one thing I learned this year it’s that setting big goals like these for a whole year is just not realistic. I had all these ideas about getting creative, writing and selling patterns, setting up an Etsy shop and growing my knitting blog. But life got in the way in every way it could. This was an extremely ridiculous year of course, but I don’t think life will get any calmers soon, so no more challenges for me next year.

I think setting (and sharing) monthly goals could be fun, but I’m not even sure I’ll be able to do that. Not in January, that’s for sure. We’ll (probably – still no real dates set) be emptying out the house in the few days we’ve got left before we leave to Curaçao again. I also promised my parents to handle the catering for my father’s birthday on the 5th., meaning I’ll be cooking and baking for 25 people a few days before we leave (I know, bad timing, but this was one of those things that I couldn’t say no to). And then, once we’re back on the island, we’ll continue our search for that beautiful affordable home of our dreams and hopefully be moving into it.

So I think for 2019 I’ll just be choosing a simple bigger project like a shawl, a cowl or a scarf (or maybe even a blanket?) that I can pick up when I feel like knitting and put everything else on the back burner for a while.

So what does a pile of 45 hats (I gave 2 away for Christmas) look like?

And spread out:

I think I’ll bring them to that birthday for my family to chose the ones they like. The rest of them will be sent off to charity.

Yarn along :: knitting and reading

~ Maggie ~ Leave a comment

Knitting: halfway another hat. I’ve made a hat with this yarn before and I love it as much as I did the first time (that’s why I’m going so fast, I guess). It seems my knitting mojo is back. I’m determined to finish the hat challenge despite the two-month hiatus. It may be silly, but it keeps my mind off other things, so that’s good 😉

Reading: I’ve read a lot of simple feelgood novels lately and I loved it. But then I read on twitter that some book bloggers were going to read War and peace by Tolstoj. That’s one of those books that you always hear about (mostly how hard it is to read), but I never read it. So I decided to download it and read a few chapters to see if I would join them. Well, it’s actually not that hard to read. I’m about two thirds in now (page 810 of 1270) and I’m still going strong. Even though some parts (mostly those about the battles) are boring, the main characters are interesting enough to keep reading. 

This makes me wonder… are there more of these classics that I should give a try? I’ve been meaning to reread Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre for ages but never did (I read them for school) and I have never read Lord of the Rings, Pride & Prejudice or One flew over the cuckoo’s nest. And those are just a few that pop into my mind, there must be a lot more. Maybe I should make a list and challenge myself to read some of them next year.

Linking up with Yarn Along on Small Things

52 hats :: 40 – a simple beanie

~ Maggie ~ Leave a comment

So, last night I finished my first hat in two months. It felt good. Like I found back a part of myself that I lost along the way. I’m not sure if this means I’m back to it, but I’m extremely happy about this simple little beanie.

Things are still unclear here. We’re back in Holland now and I have mixed feelings about that. Glad to see the girls and my parents again, not feeling at home in my own house.
The house is still for sale, but there is a chance that a contract will be signed this week. Finally. The buyers want to be sure they can buy an adjoining piece of land, but that’s something we can’t control, so it’s been a waiting game for six weeks now.
We’ve been trying to buy a house on Curaçao, but none of the houses we liked worked out, so when we return in January, we’ll still be renting the tiny apartment. We are determined to find a real home soon though.

T.’s health is not too bad, though the cold and wet weather here are already wearing him out. I can’t stop worrying about him, but part of that is my problem (anxiety), not his. Well, I hope it is.

Anyway, I cast on another hat and will be knitting to soothe my nerves. And maybe to finish the challenge. Who knows?

Trying something different

~ Maggie ~ Leave a comment

 So, it finally hit me (again). I just cannot do it all.
What does all mean, you ask?
A little list:
– paid work (bookkeeping, editing, writing press releases)
– semi-paid work (writing books and trying to build a group of faithful readers on my Dutch Writers blog/newsletters)
– keeping the house clean (our Curacao apartment is small, but there’s still a lot to do. And I’ve been doing all laundry by hand, that takes a lot of time too (that’s going to change, my washing machine will be delivered tomorrow!!!)
– being a wife, mother and daughter (spending time to talk to my family)
– grow my other Dutch blog (a lifestyle blog)
– grow or at least keep up with this blog (mostly knitting and personal blog, but oh, the ideas I have to grow it into something more)
– buy a house on Curacao and fix it up
– build apartments to rent out to people on holiday here (meaning more cleaning and bookkeeping tasks)
– knit or do other creative stuff
– read books (can’t do without)
– read blogs (just for fun, but also to grow those blogs)
– take pictures (because I love that and I’d like to get better at it and maybe even be a pro someday)
– go to the beach and relax every once in a while.

And I’m sure I’m missing a few things here.
I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.
So I decided to set priorities and maybe change things up.

I was thinking I don’t want to lose this blog because I love the feeling of sharing my life with a friendly community and for sharing pictures. And then it dawned on me: maybe I’d take that part to Instagram for a while? I think I’ll still write bigger posts every now and then (when I finish some hats maybe), but it could be easier to just snap a picture, add a few words and share that. I’m not really sure if it’ll work (I’m not that into social media), but I’m going to try.

I found some of the people commenting here on Instagram, but not all of you. If you’d like to follow me there: I’m @maggie_notastation