There has been progress, but not enough. Still, there’s time…
I was thinking about how to get some good knitting time and then I realized some people knit during long car rides. I could do that… We’re going into town tonight for drinks and dinner. I usually prefer just sitting and looking at the surroundings while T. drives, but it’s not like this is such intrigate knitting, that I have to fully concentrate on it. So maybe I’ll get an hour in that way. And if I dare knitting in the dark (on the way back), maybe even two hours.
And than I realized some people also knit in public places (remember Soulemama? – she took it everywhere). I could take it with me to the terrace. We usually just sit, talk a little bit, but mostly do a lot of silent people watching. I could knit while we do that. Yeah… I could… It would probably help me to get a whole lot more done.
But I’m not sure I have the confidence to do it… Would you?
I’ve been struggling to find peace and happiness in the normal of my days. Might be depression again, but I think (hope) there’s just too much for me to process right now. I spent my time either distracting myself with scrolling, reading, or working extremely focused on a single project.
But with the photo book done, being too tired to concentrate on books or websites, and a shoulder injury making it impossible to work on bigger chores in the garden or the house, I found myself wandering around my home, trying to find something to do.
And then I noticed my houseplants were looking neglected. And that’s because they were. I had watered them a few times since we returned, but not regularly and surely not with intent and a bit of love. And I truly do believe that’s what they thrive on.
So I started to give them some attention. Dusted the leaves, cut off dead leaves and stems and gave them a generous amount of water. And with each plant looking so much better, I felt my spirit lifting a bit.
I’m not going to pretend that miraculously all is well with the world now. But I do feel better.
:: taking the picture above. Because I love looking at these tiny salamanders. And because that provided me with a picture for this post
:: being done (or close to done) with the photobook project. It was fun working on it, but I got a little bit too absorbed in it. I started dreaming about making the book (and failing) , about ancestors I never met and about being forced to move back to the village I grew up in. Not the good type of dreaming. Nightmares. And when I wasn’t dreaming, I couldn’t sleep. My mind kept going over the names, dates and pictures, trying to put it all together. Because of that, I spent four full days being glued to the computer screen in an attempt to finish it before it drove me crazy. Also not the best idea. But the end result will be worth it.
:: phone calls with my daughters. Long phone calls with my daughters. We broke the record yesterday: 2 hours, 22 minutes.
:: videocalls with my grandson popping in and out. He’s starting to talk for real now. So cute!
:: knitting. I’m still not back into the real knitting groove (you know, where you pick it up without thinking much about it), but I am enjoying myself
:: being quite sure I can finish the sweater before we leave (8 days to go).
:: preparing for our trip to the Netherlands next week.
:: knowing that it will be a short one this time. Just enough to celebrate two birthdays and Christmas. Oh, and hopefully to get some quality time with the grandson too (i.e. not during busy birthdays or Christmas celebrations). But after that, we will be back home, even before the new year starts.
:: being able to keep a bit of a blogging routine the past month. I do hope I didn’t jinx it now…
:: reading your comments to my silly little blogposts. Thank you so much for taking the time to “talk” to me!
I keep telling myself there is enough time to finish this sweater, but the truth is that I won’t make the deadline at the rate I’m going. Somehow I can’t find the motivation to sit still and knit. I think my mind is a bit too much occupied with this and all the feelings I have connected to it. I try to lean into all that and work through it. I know from experience that ignoring and pushing back does not work that well… Distracting myself with scrolling on my phone doesn’t either of course. But I’m trying…
There has been a bit of knitting progress though, so there’s still hope. I’m about halfway the body. I did measure and it should be the right size this time around. So let’s see if I can find some time away from computer and phone this weekend and make some real progress.
Two years ago, I helped my father sort through all his things when he moved to a single room in a care home (I wrote a little bit about that here, as I had just restarted this blog in that period). It was a sad time and very exhausting, but I’m so glad I did it the way I did. My father lived in that care home for over two years and that little room was truly home for him during that time. All the things he really cared about were there.
When I was sorting through the drawers of his antique dresser, I came across a stack of old pictures that I had never seen before. I just put them in a box with other loose pictures, but one of those pictures got stuck in my mind. Such a beautiful woman, with that enigmatic little smile.
When I asked my father about her, it turned out she was my great grandmother Jannetje. More accurately, my grandfather from father’s side mother. She died young, when he was only twelve. I never knew that.
That picture made me realize there was so little I knew about my forefathers and even less about my foremothers. And I also realized that stack of old pictures in my fathers box would soon become a stack of “no clue who that is”, if I didn’t do something about that. So my father and I started talking about sorting through the pictures, adding names to them, digitalizing them and printing a little photobook to keep the names and the faces together before they were all forgotten. I dove into familytree websites and found a ton of information that I could add to it all (dates of birth, marriage and death, things like that). We would get that project done in no time. Or so we thought.
The sad part of this story is that both my father and I were sick quite often during the past two years. And there were so many other things to do and talk about when we were together.
One of the very last things I said to him – two days before he died – was: “You have to get better soon. We really need to start working on those pictures while I’m here.” He smiled and said: “I’ll do my best.” I’m pretty sure we both knew it would never happen.
After my father died, I brought all the pictures with me to the cabin and scanned them before we went back home. But I had to take a break from the past for a while. I’m not sure why, I guess I had to deal with the present first.
Right now I’m full on it again. The oldest picture we have is a very bad one of my great great grandfather, and there are no other pictures of that generation. I do have all the faces of the people of the generation after that (my great grandparents) and of course there is lots and lots of material from my grandparents and parents.
But of course, me being me, I can’t just put those pictures in an album, add their names and some dates to it and be done. I am diving into archives (luckily there is a whole lot available online these days), trying to verify names and dates and looking for scans of official documents (mostly marriage and death records, birth records are harder to find). It’s a lot of work. But I am enjoying it.
It makes me sad I didn’t get to it when my father was still alive. His sisters, and my moms sister, still are, but I have to hurry if I want to ask them questions. I also sometimes think about my grandparents and the stories that will never be told because I didn’t ask about them before they were gone. But I am grateful that there is still something left of them.
And I like to think Jannetje is smiling because she likes what I’m doing.
I was browsing through the pictures I took last week (and the week before, I guess, since there’s that full moon) and noticed so many pictures of beautiful skies.
“Are the skies so beautiful lately and were they not before, or have I started noticing again?” I wondered outloud.
“You started noticing again,” T. said with a smile, leaving everything else unsaid, since we both know what caused my temporary blindness.
I’m so happy to have this little piece of me back (for those new here, just browse my archives, you’ll see lots and lots of sky pictures)
The sky is the daily bread of the eyes. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
This is what I’ve been knitting on this weekend. I know… where’s the sweater for my grandson?
Well, I’ll tell you. But let’s talk about the new cast-on first. In my sad stash, I had a bag of very thin (fingering weight, I think) green wool. Or more accurate a 70% wool, 30% acrylic blend. Too much wool for the grandson, but I decided to try if knitting with 30% acrylic was doable for my hands. To be honest, the judges are still out on that. I’ll keep you posted.
I’m making this pattern by the way. I decided it might be a fun tradition to make myself a new cowl/shawl/scarf and hat every year, to bring with me when we go to The Netherlands for the holidays. Not that I will be wearing it much, but you know… for the fun of knitting it. Also, maybe that will get me outside, walking in the woods when we’re there, instead of being a couch potato for two or three weeks.
Anyway. The grandson sweater. I was actually doing great.
See? Only the sleeves to go. But the sizing was nagging me. I have checked my gauge so, so many times. Of course I got a different stitch count every single time (that’s why I usually don’t gauge), but I was either on spot, or not far off. The finished width, same thing. On spot, or not far off, depending on how I laid it out and how much I straightened it out. I followed the pattern for size 2-4 years. Even if I was a bit off, this sweater should fit my has-yet-to-turn-two-year-old grandson. Or so i tried to convince myself.
But it kept bugging me. It’s not too long ago since I last held him and I distinctly remember him being bigger than the child that would fit this sweater. Even T. (who is terrible at imagining clothes on people) agreed when I asked him if it looked small to him.
So I send a message to my daughter, spoiling the suprise, but what’s the use of surprising someone with a sweater that doesn’t fit? I asked her to measure a sweater that fit him well, because measuring the boy himself seemed an impossible task to me. It took her a while to locate her tape measure and then the sweater she wanted to use was in the wash. Not mocking her, I think this is very relatable, especially if you have a very demanding toddler and a job to juggle. But eventually she messaged me back with the measurements and that proved me right. This is way too small for him. I don’t understand. Are American baby’s so much smaller? Is the sizing off? Or is it supposed to be a much tighter fit than I imagined? (some of the pictures on Ravelry suggest that, although the baby on the pattern itself wears a loose fitting sweater)
Well, it doesn’t matter what the problem is, I know that I need a bigger sweater. So I frogged to where I stopped increasing. I don’t want the neck to be any wider, so I’m going to increase a bit more till I’m at a width that should be comparable to his favorite sweater. That would be size 6-8 years on the pattern instructions – that’s wild, but I’d rather make it too big than too small. If it’s too big he will grow into it eventually.
I took these pictures last week. I wanted to remember this space the way it was, knowing it was about to change a lot.
T. is slowly, but surely, working on the attic room. We think that room is one of the weirdest design decisions anyone ever made in a home. It’s a room on top of the kitchen, at the side of the house that has the best (sea)view. There is about a metre height difference between the other part of the upstairs space (that we use as an office right now) and the attic room, but there are many, many ways to work with that, I think.The people who added this part to the house though, decided it was best to build up the walls completely, with just one little window. A proper attic room, yes. But it basically closes off the best view of the house. Why? What were they thinking? I can’t understand, no matter how hard I try.
Anyway, we’re planning to open the space up and make it into either an open balcony or a windowed balcony. Phase one of that big job was to reinforce the floors. Phase two, T. said, was building proper stairs (we have some rather primitive steps right now) to reach that space. And, well, you probably guessed it, those stairs needed to go in the dining part of our kitchen. Since the floors took a long, long time to finish (due to being sick and the heat and things like that) I’ve been kind of ignoring that fact for a long time.
So, when T, informed me that the floors were done and he was going to move on to the stairs, I was shocked. And then I had to bit my tongue (more than once) to stop myself from whining about breaking apart the one space in our house that feels finished and truly like home. I mean, what’s the use? It had to be done.
Instead, I started thinking and planning. And reminding myself that I love changing rooms and moving furniture. It would be fun, I said. Change is good. I was fully prepared to start moving stuff around this week, but I did take those pictures as a way to say goodbye to the way it was.
T. had a bit of a restless night this weekend. And the next morning he told me that he was going to leave the stairs the way they were right now. “I really don’t want to break apart the one space in our house that feels finished and truly like home,” he said.
Um, well. Okay, if that’s what you want.
Actually, there may have been a bit of rejoicing on my part.
But I’m still going to post those pictures. You know, for future reference. Because in our home, nothing ever stays the same. And that’s fine.
I literally sat there, watching them, for 10 minutes.
Yes, that cat seriously considered trying to catch the iguana. His brother caught a smaller one the day before and all four cats feasted on it. I guess he wanted to have a great dinner like that again. So he carefully and slowly crept closer and closer and tried to circle around to attack from behind.
When the iguana started to move its tail, I wondered how I could save the cat without being hit myself and I was ready to at least yell a warning. Iguanas can lash pretty hard with their tails. But apparently the cat already knew that. He ran off and left the iguana alone.
I’m not particularly fond of iguanas because they tend to take more than their share from my edible plants. I also don’t like eating them. They do taste like chicken, but there are way too many bones to my taste.
But I do think they are beautiful and very interesting to watch.
My grandson’s sweater is coming along. Such a fun and easy pattern (Flax by TinCanKnits)! I really love how it’s turning out. And while light blue may not be the most sensible color to knit for a two year old boy that loves to be outside, I think it will look wonderful with his blue eyes and blond hair. We’ll just see how long it stays wearable. I didn’t really have much of a choice, anyway. My yarn stash is… well, sad.
Great time for yarn shopping, you say? Um, nope. I think one of the reasons I don’t really enjoy knitting that much anymore since we moved here, is because acrylic yarn and heat just don’t go together so well. It’s scratchy and it feels like I need to strain my hands more to knit with it. I should have thought about that when we were in The Netherlands. I mean, there are many alternatives, even if I don’t want to use wool (both my daughter and my son-in-law are allergic to wool, so I’m assuming my grandson is too). Bamboo? Silk? The only non acrylic yarn I can get around here is cotton, but that’s not the best choice to knit sweaters with, I think.
That said, the yarn I’m using now is actually cotton. But it’s thicker and really, really soft. I used it for this sweater in the past and it holds up really well. I bought that in The Netherlands, so I couldn’t go back for another color. Luckily there’s a lot of it, a result of bringing a lot of yarn with me years ago. Many years ago actually. I looked in my archives and I found this post where I first talked about buying it. Wow! January 2020. Almost five years ago. Reading that post makes me cringe. Most of the cotton yarn shown in the picture is still in my stash. I guess that stuff is just not that inspiring to me. I’m thinking about making a scrap blanket or something with it, with double strands and big needles to make it a (kind of) fast project, but if that’s not working out, I think I’m just going to donate it all and start over. I really miss being excited about starting the next project, but my current stash only makes me dread having to knit. So yes, starting over sounds like a plan to me.
NOT A STATION 